To like or not to like. This is our generation's question.

I had an idea about a blog several weeks ago. Written down I had nothing but the title: To like or not to like. Tonight this idea came back when I, once again, checked my facebook for notifications. Sure, there were a few likes on a couple of instagrams I had posted but that's it. As I so often do, I got sidetracked and ended up on someone's page, checking out their profile picture (and no you won't ever guess who it is muahaha). There it was again. That familiar feeling of "Oh look. They got a bajillion 'likes' on their photo. So many people commenting. I wonder what it's like to be that popular."

Bam! That thought. That one right there. "I wonder what it's like to be popular." I like to imagine that everyone has this running through their head at least once in their lifetime. Even the popular kids. Nowadays you don't even have to leave your house in order to feel inferior. Just spend enough time on social networking sites and you'll see what I mean. Go on facebook and there are people who, no matter what they post, it could be a picture of a wall for all I care, and they'll probably get 30 'likes' on it. Go on Twitter and they'll get retweeted and favourited all the time. Go on Tumblr and their posts will probably get over 500 notes within a couple of days. And then you have the poor suckers who might post something really awesome, have a great picture, or something really neat to say and... nothing. Oh and don't worry. This post isn't something about how I'm one of those poor suckers who whines about never getting any attention and who desperately longs to be one of the "cool kids". We'll get to that later.

Growing up I always wondered if they're just born with it. Are some people just born cool? Or is coolness and popularity actually attainable? If so, WHERE and HOW do I sign up? I never really fit into any stereotypical group either at home, in school, in church, or in college. Not a part of the skinny hipster chicks, not a part of the nerds, not a part of the musically talented who jam together, not a part of the book smarts who study together, not a part of the street smarts, not a part of any group. This left me feeling isolated and jokingly I often assumed the part of the gullible, derpy person. You know. The person who always makes fun of herself, who trips over things, who misspeaks, and who generally is there to serve as laughing stock for others.

Social media just served as a big reminder of what I thought my identity among my friends was. And every time I would post something I thought many people would like, I was apparently proven wrong, assuring me even more so that I'll never be that popular kid. I'll never be that kid who everybody looks up to. I'll never be that kid who gets all the attention from others.
And surprisingly... I'm learning to be ok with it, because really: what does it matter anyway? I look at the moments I was so desperately seeking attention in and once I received it, I felt no different. All I craved was more attention. More likes. More favourites. More notes. And the more I got the more I needed.

The thing that was hard for me to realize in all of this is that my identity is not wrapped up in facebook likes. And it certainly isn't wrapped up in how many page counts this post will get, because the truth is that I'm not doing this for others. If others enjoy my creations and the products of my mind then that is absolutely fantastic! I love it. But if they don't, why should that somehow diminish my worth as a human being? I'm sure that as we will enter into God's glory in the future, He won't stop us at the gate and ask us how many likes, comments, favourites, and notes we received but rather what shape our hearts where in and how we cared for His people. I don't care if I'm well known for being a great person. I just want to be a great person to everyone around me. And I think that's all that matters. :)

xo

Things that I'm currently thinking about and that keep me up at night.

• Starting my last year at PLBC in 7 weeks.
• Planning my trip to Ireland in April '14.
• Hoping I'll have enough money for the trip.
• Finding a good job for after I graduate.
• Paying student loans after I graduate.
• Finding places to live. 
• When to go grocery shopping for the coming week. 
• What show to download next and spend an unnecessary amount of time on because... well... it's the summer so apparently that's excusable. 

You know. Your average night of a 20-something student.

A 4-Year Old's Lesson in Equality

Today I was watching Emily & Lily, two girls I regularly babysit. As soon as I stepped in, Emily (4) had already brought out her Toy Story toys and wanted to play with them. Both of us share a love of Toy Story so I was more than happy to oblige and play this "game" with her.
As we were playing though she was telling me of her time playing with a few other kids. Turns out that one of the boys said to her that girls are weak and stupid. That boys are much stronger and smarter than girls. The more I listened to her telling me about her unfortunate interaction with this boy I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and tell her that no matter what anyone says to her, she is still smart, strong, and capable of pretty much anything a boy is capable of doing.

I didn't say that to her. Instead I kept on playing when a little idea came to me. I proposed a scenario to her. Zorg the evil Emperor of the Galaxy had kidnapped Woody and Buzz and was threatening to destroy the universe. Everyone's only hope? Jessie!

As Jessie was chasing Zorg on Bullseye, Emily's eyes lit up and she really got into this scenario. At last Jessie confronted Zorg and defeated him, thereby rescuing Woody and Buzz. Emily threw her hands up in the air and shouted "Jessie did it! She defeated Zorg!" I laughed but pulled her closer. I looked her in the eyes and said "No. WE did it. Us girls did it!" "Girls?" "Yup. Girls can rescue boys too because they're just as strong and just as smart. See?"

She was incredibly happy to hear this. I told her that if anyone ever tries to tell her that girls are inferior to boys (of course I simplified it) that she should just tell them that girls are capable of just as much strength, intelligence, bravery, and courage.
We finished the day by watching Brave. A fitting movie, if I do say so myself. :)

Remember that we live in a world where Woodies and Buzzes can rescue Jessies but Jessies can just as much rescue Woodies and Buzzes. :)

Obsessions

Every so often I will encounter an obsession with people and things. I don't mean your average "Oh, I really like this" comment. No. I mean face-on-the-ground, keyboard-smashing, flaksjdhflskjdhflaskh-ing obsession. You could say that... I really get into some things.

Now, this isn't my typical "The moral of this story" kind of blog entry. Naw. It's much more personal. People find it odd that I get SO excited about certain things. And I have to admit: sometimes I even frighten myself when, after a good half hour of freaking out about something, I look into the mirror and have that look in my eyes that you usually only see in "the crazies". Can you say unstable?

But when it comes down to it, I like that I get so excited. Sure, I get a lot of crap for it. People saying it's weird and unnatural. I get that. But somewhere deep down... I look at these obsessions and I think:

I'm alive.