Christian Objectification

You notice her clothes. The way that her dress seems a bit too tight. The way that her legs are exposed and maybe you even see a little bit of cleavage. What's your first instinct?

Wow... no self respect, huh? 

Christians often do the same. This goes out to all the girls and boys. And may I put the emphasis on girls and boys instead of using women and men because frankly no one who behaves this way deserves to be referred to as a mature adult.

You all know that women are increasingly objectified in our time and culture. It's bad enough that this happens in the secular world but I have noticed a behaviour that I would like to name "Christian Objectification" meaning that when we see women who don't dress according to our modesty standards, we may not get the hots for them but we judge them. And guess what. This is still objectification because in that moment, all we see is a body; an object. We don't see the woman herself. We don't see her life, what she is going through, or whether she is a Christian or not. All we notice in that moment is her outside appearance. Do you understand that we are completely aware of you doing this? And here's the shocker: it doesn't make us feel any less dirty than when we are being groped or catcalled by some stranger. It makes us feel like we are still just another body to be judged and not like we are a soul deemed worth loving.

I'm tired of this becoming a new "church trend". We go in under the pretence that we're just doing our Christian duty of upholding each other in our walk with Christ when in reality, more often than not, we are not concerned with the person's soul at that moment but rather with how they offended us by dressing that way. I'd lie if I said I never subjected anyone to this, but that is exactly why I am so aware of this happening all over the place.

Can we all just agree that we're not doing anyone any favours by acting and thinking this way? Don't fool yourself. You're not helping anyone out. You're not concerned for anyone. You're only thinking about yourself.

The next time you look at any girl or woman don't, I repeat, don't objectify her by making quick judgements about her appearance, whether she shares your beliefs or not. Should she pull her dress down a bit? Should she cover up more? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it's none of your business. Maybe you should still treat her with love and respect.

I don't know. Maybe.

PS: Here is a great piece I read from someone:

"In 1 Timothy 2:9-10, the apostle Paul writes "I also wan the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or  pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God." The Greek word translated "modesty" here is kosmios. Derived from kosmos (the universe), it signifies orderliness, self-control and appropriateness. It appears only twice in the New Testament, and interestingly, its second usage refers specifically to men (1 Timothy 3:2). In fact, nearly all of the Bible's instructions regarding modest clothing refer not to sexuality, but rather materialism (Isaiah 3:16-23, 1 Timothy 2:9-12, 1 Peter 3:3). Writers in both the Old Testament and New Testament express grave concern when the people of God flaunt their wealth by buying expensive clothes and jewelry while many of their neighbours suffered in poverty. (Ironically, I've heard dozens of sermons about keeping my legs and my cleavage out of sight, but not one about ensuring my jewelry was not acquired through unjust or exploitative trade practices -- which would be much more in keeping with biblical teachings on modesty.)
And so biblical modesty isn't about managing the sexual impulses of other people; it's about cultivating humility, propriety and deference within ourselves."

With Every Heartbeat I Have Left I Will Defend Your Every Breath

Many of my tears have seen the light of day. Unfortunately, most of them made their dreaded way down my cheeks because something awful happened. I cry a lot but it's nothing to apologize for. 

I'm not sure if there is an English equivalent for this idiom but in German we say: "Ich bin nah am Wasser gebaut.", which translates to: "I was built close to the water." meaning that the tears just come easier for me. Growing up I saw it as a weakness, often having been told that it was. I connected it to being over-emotional, exaggerating most situations, and not being in control over myself. 

Since then, however I have recognized it as my ever-present tenderness in life. So what if I cry easily? Does that mean that my emotions mean any less? In our culture we tend to glorify stoicism. We want men who are the "big, strong, silent type" and women who should be "more in control of themselves" lest we are thought of as being hysterical. 

Truth is that tears are a sign of our humanity. They serve various purposes and it fascinates me how they can actually differ from each other. They can express emotions such as sadness, joy, frustration, and confusion. They also serve a reflex function, which usually happens when you encounter irritating gasses, chop onions, or get hit in the face. What is truly interesting, however is the fact that the tears that are released because of reflexes consist mostly of water while emotional tears flush out all kinds of toxins. It literally means that your body is taking the bad that's on the inside and forces it out. Crazy benefit, huh? 

Every once in a while I'll reflect on my life in one of those rare, quiet moments we get and become emotional. Thinking back on how terrifying my life was last summer and looking forward to how this summer is looking I can see how God is truly at work. This is one of those instances where tears of joy are invading the spaces under my eyes. Gratefulness can be overwhelming and tear-inducing and I am so glad that it does. I enjoy all the little things that we are able to do to express emotions, whether those are tears, hand gestures, body language, or words. Just think of how amazing it is that you are alive right now. It sounds so cliche but put your hand over your chest right now. Feel that heartbeat. Really feel it. Can you feel it beating? Now let that settle in. Feel the tenderness that's been imprinted on your heart. 

You are strong and yet so fragile. We all are. That's how life is. Resilient and here today yet gone tomorrow. Just like a whisper in the wind. That's why we need to make every one of our heartbeats count, don't you think? Why waste our lives trying to deny ourselves emotions and outlets that can help us grow? We live in a culture that thrives off of hating things and putting down those who show appreciation and excitement for things. Everyone should be allowed to positively be overwhelmed by the things life has to offer. While we need to be careful not to let emotions dictate our decisions, I think it's also safe to say that emotions need to be felt and truly experienced. 

My Own Story - Why I Finally Understand

I talk a lot about social justice, equality issues, feminist issues, and the like. Often I'll state how women are so harassed in this day and age that it's become normalized. To be fully honest with you, except for a very private story that occurred over a period of time when I was younger, I had never really experienced harassment from males, especially not in public. I figured it was because I wasn't really the hottest-looking woman out there and don't really have that much to show off. Over this past year however, I am experiencing this issue more and more. I get called out in the streets (one very nasty example in Seattle back in February) and honked at. And I finally understand, really understand what it feels like to have this happen to you on a daily basis. It feels disgusting. About two years ago I got physically/sexually harassed by an old guy in the streets and while I was walking/rushing away I felt like I needed to take an hour-long shower just to wash this filth away.

I have to admit, you really won't know how a woman feels like unless you've experienced this yourself. To have your own sex targeted, to hear comments about your boobs, your butt, or to be grabbed inappropriately, there's nothing quite like it (in the most negative sense possible). Realizing this also made me realize that maybe the reason so many guys dismiss this problem as something to be brushed off, is because they don't quite know what it feels like to experience this. And I empathize with that. I truly do. I can't blame anyone for not understanding what something feels like.

At the same time I want to challenge anyone and everyone who has never experienced anything like this and who thinks that this is not a big deal to please listen to stories from your moms, sisters, girlfriends, and female friends. I can guarantee you that at least one of them has stories of being sexually harassed or even raped. Statistically, more than half of all Canadian women report incidents of physical or sexual violence since the age of sixteen. http://sacha.ca/fact-sheets/statistics

Please listen to us. I'm asking you to see beyond the veil of jokes, social media normalization of this garbage, or your own biases.

Tonight I went for a run while it was still mostly light outside and ran by a school playground where a bunch of guys were hanging out and smoking. As I ran by I couldn't help but keep looking over my shoulder just to make sure I wasn't being followed. This shouldn't be the case. For a little bit of further reading, I recommend checking out one of my best friend's blog post on this: http://lovedstill.blogspot.ca/2014/05/i-cant-hate-you-because-i-need-you.html

The Dreaded C-Word

Often times I try so hard to foster my creativity that I get lost in the work of creating rather than focusing on the creation itself. Through my eyes, there seems to only be the beauty in process of creating and not in the finished work because I feel a great need for others to enjoy it as much as I do. Since that rarely happens I am left unsatisfied and disappointed, therefore demotivating me from engaging un further attempts at creativity. I long to paint my words as swiftly and unafraid as experienced paint brushes. Rather I pick and choose carefully which words I present.
My struggle is this: That creativity is not a comparison or a competition. I used to think I was the only one who was struggling with this but I'm sure that there are others out there who feel the same.

The very idea of creativity scares me because of the high expectations I hold it to. Nothing I create is ever good enough for my own eyes and ears. The reason for this is the fact that I compare my creative process to that of other people. Whatever I create is automatically worthless because it isn't the very best in this world. Because of this expectation I am set up for disappointment whenever I do decide to create, whether the nature of the work is a written piece, a drawing, a photograph, a little tune, or whatever else my itty, bitty brain can come up with. I am still not quite sure how to combat this struggle other than having to keep reminding myself that creativity is not a comparison or a competition but rather a compilation of my existence, experiences, emotions, and endeavours.

We'll be just fine.

This is about the third blog post I have started today because the other two just didn't seem good enough. They both talked about different subjects but if I write something and feel, even in the slightest, that this doesn't need to be said right now, I'll start over again.

At this very moment I am listening to a new obsession of mine: Sleeping At Last. This particular song is entitled 'West' and he says:

we'll be just fine
we'll be just fine
it's a matter of time
'til our compass stands still,
'til our compass stands still

It reminds me to take every day for what it's worth, which is: a lot. Why? Because every morning that I wake up and hit snooze on my phone, I am reminded that I am breathing. I am reminded that this could very well be my last day on earth so who cares where I'm going to be tomorrow? I have a responsibility to my God to live in such a way that would honour him but I do not have control over this world. This might cause a lot of stress and anxiety in some but it does the exact opposite for me.

In this truth I find peace.
In this truth I find comfort.
In this truth I find hope.

I think that we (and by "we" I am identifying myself as a young adult) we are so pressured into thinking that we have to have our lives figured out. We have to have a career plan, a savings plan, and a schedule that already looks at the year ahead. What if we could let go of all that? What if we realized that no one else actually has life figured out? Because with each milestone we accomplish, we are not, in fact, closer to figuring out this silly thing called life. We just took one step deeper into this mess. We are so focused on our own feet in the mud though that we forget to look around, really look around, and see that everyone else is stuck in this mess as well. Just because they are further ahead, doesn't mean they're less in the dirt.

Instead of focusing so much on trying to figure out what to do with tomorrow, make sure you don't waste today. I have seen people who always chase the next big milestone be it a job, a relationship, a promotion, a house, or a family and they don't cherish the milestones they have already accomplished.

Remember: we'll be just fine. It's just a matter of time 'til our compass stands still.

and sometimes our compass breaks
and our steady true north fades
we'll be just fine