A Wrecking Ball for the Wall of Apathy

The more I use social networks like Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter, the more I'm torn about whether people really care or not.

On one hand you have this amazing technology that brings people closer together and through which genuine bonds are formed. People are getting informed, they share burdens which each other, and they get a glimpse into another person's life whereas without this tool it would not have been possible. We share pictures, most of which are treasured memories, so others are able to enjoy them. We advocate for things we believe in and try to bring about awareness. Loved ones have even found one another through the internet, whether those are romantic relationships or family members. All these things are good; important even. We are so privileged to be living in this age where we have information and connection at our fingertips. Instead of a letter taking months upon months to arrive somewhere, it now happens in an instant. Oh, the convenience!

But what about the other side of the coin? Though many take advantage of the closeness that the internet brings, it seems to me like people care less and less. We are caught up in getting a certain amount of facebook likes on our statuses and pictures. Why? Apparently this makes us more important and more popular than others. We enjoy the attention.
I am definitely writing this out my own experience. There have been countless times where I wished more people would "like" my content but to no avail. I blamed it on my lack of popularity and, often times, lack of writing skills/photo taking skills. Let's face it: my life is just not that interesting.
As for advocating causes? I find that I have a very hard time engaging people around me to respond. Is it my face? Do I have something stuck in my teeth? Sometimes I want to reach through the screen, grab the person reading this by the collar, shake them, and ask: "Y U NO RESPOND?"
I often times picture myself as this cartoon character, legs all in a blurry running motion, and constantly bumping into a wall only to bounce back and head for the wall again. Oh, they didn't respond? Back to smacking the wall. Oh, they didn't like my picture? Put up another one and continue running towards the wall.

I'm especially stubborn when it comes to advocating for certain humanitarian causes, because I believe that every person on earth carries the responsibility to care for one another. I suppose that sometimes I believe I could break this wall.

Crash right through it.

I don't want to go all Miley Cyrus on you but right now I could really use a wrecking ball for this wall of apathy.
Then again, I reckon there are some walls in my own life that have to break first...

In Defence of Defensiveness - A lighthearted look at what plagues so many of us.

No, don't say that. I don't like it. That's not how I am.

Stop it.

I don't do that. I don't act like that. I don't talk like that.

Are you joking? Are you serious? You're joking, right?

Don't tell me I'm doing it wrong. I know what I'm doing.

I know.

I know. I know. I know.

What do you mean by _____ ? WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY _____???

Seriously? I'm trying, ok?
Don't push me.
Don't corner me.
Don't rush me.

Listen to my excuse. What?
I know you weren't asking for an excuse.
I'm giving you one anyway.

Why?
I'll tell you why.
Though you probably don't even want to know.

Am I holding you up? Sorry.
Let me defend that.

You see, growing up
I was always accused.
Accused of something.

Pushed.
Cornered.
Rushed.

Over the years I became defensive.
Of my actions
my words
my thoughts.

YOU CAN'T HARM ME NOW
I'd yell in my head.
I defended myself.

You can't accuse me now.

And here I am
defending defensiveness.

When no one asked me to.
It's alright though.
You probably accused me of it anyway.

I'm just defending myself.



_________________________________________________
*Author's note: to be indulged in with humour. Don't take this
too seriously please. Just don't. Look at me getting defensive
about this. But it's not my fault. You asked for it.
Probably.

Cut the Crap

Emotions & feelings are a funny thing, aren't they? I don't know about you but I can go from being completely miserable to ecstatic within a matter of minutes and vice versa.
Some would call this being unstable. I prefer to call it being real.

A quote I come across almost weekly somewhere goes:
"Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn't apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn't say sorry for falling. Feelings just are."
Now, feelings and emotions should never dictate our behaviour. We need to be smarter than that. Think with your mind, feel with your heart. Give your heart room to breathe.

Feel it
           Acknowledge it
                                      Come to terms with it

You can run but you can't hide. Your emotions will catch up with you eventually. Might as well just face them.
That's what I did last night.

I build dams. No, not in real life. I build dams in my heart because sometimes I get tired of feelings washing over me. So I go look for sticks. I look for anything that will stop the flooding and I throw it in a pile. The pile gets

                                                                 and higher
                                               and higher
                             and higher
           and higher
higher

but the more water accumulates, the weaker the pile becomes until a tiny stick gets lose. Then

CRASH

flood of emotions. An avalanche of feelings. Last night my heart was heavy from past memories that came invading my mind. I broke under the pressure. I spent a good amount of time outside at night, crying my heart out to God. I was about to ask him to please be with me in that moment when I stopped myself and turned my question into a "Thank you for already being here with me!"

This morning I met with my mentor again. I can't praise this woman enough. We're sobbers. We occasionally like to sob. To someone from the outside looking in, it would seem that we're just a steaming, hot pile of pathetic. Again, I prefer to call it being real.
I came away from the meeting, grinning from ear to ear because I love it when people are real with me. I love it when they bear their heart.

I absolutely love it when you can see their heart opening and gushing out is everything that hurts and brings them joy.

I introduced my mentor to For Today today. Approval rates skyrocketed. For those who don't know, For Today is a metalcore band and they're Christians. The theology they present in their lyrics are far more cutting and convicting than any other "regular" worship band I've been presented with.
I love how she described their music after listening to a couple of songs.

"It's cut-the-crap music. It's let's-finally-be-real music." And I agree. Let's be real, shall we?

Real with God.

Real with each other.