As much as I dislike Zooey Deschanel, i feel the need to open this post by quoting one of her famous words:
"Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, i feel continually shhh'ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don't let someone steal your tenderness. Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things... Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love."
But this isn't about me or how I feel about Zooey. This is about tenderness and strength and how often we mistakenly live in this world trying to choose between one or the other.
Dan Allender, author of The Wounded Heart - Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse, asks this very important question: "When was the las time you wept for another? If there are no tears in your life, I already know you're not a tender man or a tender woman."
This is so important. If you do not weep, let me ask you this: At what point in your life did you tears disappear? When did they dry up? Sure, maybe you're able to shed a tear for your favorite TV show but when was the last time you wept for others or yourself? If your'e a man, don't even start with the whole "Men just don't cry" bull crap.
Jesus wept. He wept for others. He was a profound example of a tender man. What does tenderness mean? Tenderness means being affectionate, compassionate, and soft. It is not simply a kind of niceness, being polite or considerate. Can you be tender and yet strong? Absolutely! Strength, as opposed to popular opinion, does not mean being stoic, arrogant, merciless, rough or uncaring.
In our culture, tenderness is frowned upon. It is shamed, constantly. We are always told to be strong, to stop crying, to "just get over it". Oh how it bothers me when someone is told to stop crying or told to get over something that obviously deeply affected that person. We need to stop associating tears with shame. You know what I find shameful? Those who refuse to weep on the grounds of social protocol. You want to prove you're a man? Tell me what makes you weep. I am not impressed by anyone who is proud of being able to hold it together all the time. Are you telling me that, as a Christian man or woman, you can look at every broken person in this world, everyone who has been or is being abuse, enslaved, and/or mistreated and it stirs nothing in you? Then you have no tenderness in you. Then you are far from trying to be like Jesus.
Maybe there was a point in your life where you decided that tears aren't worth your time anymore. Maybe this happened as a result of abuse. I dont' know. But if it did, let me ask you this: Are you willing to open up the gates again? Are you willing to let tenderness infiltrate your body, soul, and mind? Are you willing to face what happened to you and mourn for yourself? Only when you're willing to let this happen, can healing begin.
I challenge you to take out some time and really think about what makes your heart break. What makes compassion rise up in you? What makes you wee? And then weep. Let it just pour over you and change you. Only then will we understand how broken humanity is and how desperately it needs a Saviour.
xo
Wednesday 29 May 2013
Monday 27 May 2013
Why making a difference is a big thing that isn't actually a big thing.
Confused? Let me elaborate.
Last night I laid in bed trying to find those
darn sheep in my mind so I could start counting them. As they were, apparently,
nowhere to be found, I was left alone with my thoughts. Dangerous, I know.
I started thinking of what I'm doing with my
life and how I had this constant need to do something big. Something HUGE.
Because, c'mon. Who doesn't want to do something grand with
their life? Then I thought of all the world-changing men and women I knew and
an all-too familiar, green monster crept up on me. Jealousy. Ugh. Why do they
have to be so famous and popular and well-liked? Look at them. Travelling the
world. Changing lives. Being awesome.
What am I doing? I'm a college student on summer
break, desperately trying to find full-time employment, just figured
out how to make a grilled cheese sandwich (true story), and though I've been on
my own feet for the last 4 years I'm still trying to figure out how to do this
life thing. So you must understand my frustration when I look at those famous
and popular people who are making a world of difference and who seem to
have it all figured out.
After wallowing in my own pity for a while I
tried this positive thinking all these therapists are talking about. (Would
highly recommend. Use responsibly.) I mean, if I'm going to be a therapist in
the future, I might as well get a feel of what I'll be prescribing my future
clients, right? Right.
So here we go. What if ... You do not have to be famous or popular to leave behind a legacy that will change the world because as long as one person is impacted by you, the world has already been changed. So stop thinking you're not able to because of your status. After that one person, you move on to the next and so forth.
I don't have to have- Sorry, WE don't have to have all the resources and all the popularity.
I don't have to have- Sorry, WE don't have to have all the resources and all the popularity.
Most of
us are not going to be changing entire countries and nations.
You know
where we need to start? Our own hearts. Dive deep into scripture and ask God to
change your heart from the inside out. God will use you to impact your
surroundings in a mighty way. Don't be disappointed if He "only"
gives you one person to impact at a time. This alone is awesome! Can you
imagine? Because of how God worked through you, this person's life
will be changed.
In the
end it's not about us and not even about the people being impacted. It's about
the glory God receives through all this. That's the important thing.
Be a
heart-changer. :)
Saturday 25 May 2013
Why telling a single person to "just get over it" doesn't cut it.
I get it. Relationships aren't the be all, end all in life. God has called us to a much higher purpose, whether that involves a partner or not. Trust me. This concept is easy and simple enough for me to understand.
But this doesn't mean it'll automatically make a single person feel better. Some couples who get married young (I'm talking early twenties) don't necessarily understand why this is such a big deal and I don't blame them. They've found someone to share their life with and are (hopefully) happy as clams.
But most of the single, 20 or 30 somethings understand my frustration when social media is being blown up with relationship announcements, engagement announcements, and finally the wedding pictures. This is the time. The time of people taking the next big step in life and settling down with someone. And before you make the assumption that I'm just a bitter ol' woman, realize that I am genuinely happy and excited for them! Well, most of them. ;)
But you know what happens as soon as someone who is in their 20's or 30's says that they wish they could have someone beside them, that they wish they could just find someone to share their life with? We get shot down.
"Oh don't complain!" "Your life is great!" *Insert funny reason why being single is better* "God has a plan for you" "Maybe you have the gift of celibacy" (<-- I hate this one with a burning passion. Gift of celibacy, huh? That's the equivalent of that ugly sweater your aunt gives you at Christmas and calls it a gift when in reality you just want to chuck it into the nearest garbage can and light that sucker on fire.) "Maybe if you would just work on yourself more" "Maybe if you just cut your hair/become smarter/earn more money/sort out your issues/get into shape/etc." "The biblical way is to put yourself out there and not be passive about this" "The biblical way is to be passive and let someone chase you"
Seriously. Seriously? Those people who apparently have the biblical view of dating all figured out are especially annoying. What is it now? As a female am I supposed to be like Ruth and lie at some guy's feet so that he'll marry me? Or do I need someone to chase me and I have to be all passive? If so, where can I find someone who'll chase me?
My point is: Let us be, ok? If we complain once in a while how much it sucks to be single when you're surrounded by couples just say "Yeah, dude (or "yeah girl") that sucks. Maybe I don't quite understand what you're feeling but let me acknowledge right now that it probably sucks ass. BUT you're smart, talented, and beautiful so don't give up hope."
Unless of course this person is a chronic complainer and seeks desperately after relationships and thereby is putting himself or herself in bad situations. Then you have my approval for a figurative slap in the face.*
This whole thing becomes even worse for people who have had relationships in the past but that failed (like mine har har). There is a lot of hopelessness, shame, and disappointment attached. We had someone we thought would always be there for us but it failed. Why? I must be a failure. So why would anyone else take a chance with me?
Be especially patient with those people. *coughorjustmecough* A lot of these individuals have trouble letting go. We'll talk about our exes, make fun of them, and say how bad they were when in reality we're always questioning what we could have done differently. What if I did this? What if I acted more like that? Etc, etc.
To conclude this whole thing: Telling a single person to "just get over it" is like telling a person with a broken leg to "just get over it". No. It needs time. WE need time. Don't be a douchebag. Have some compassion and patience just like we'll have compassion and patience when you tell us all about your marital problems. :)
Ok, so before this post gets any more personal I'm going to stop.
*Don't actually slap anyone in the face. That's just rude.
But this doesn't mean it'll automatically make a single person feel better. Some couples who get married young (I'm talking early twenties) don't necessarily understand why this is such a big deal and I don't blame them. They've found someone to share their life with and are (hopefully) happy as clams.
But most of the single, 20 or 30 somethings understand my frustration when social media is being blown up with relationship announcements, engagement announcements, and finally the wedding pictures. This is the time. The time of people taking the next big step in life and settling down with someone. And before you make the assumption that I'm just a bitter ol' woman, realize that I am genuinely happy and excited for them! Well, most of them. ;)
But you know what happens as soon as someone who is in their 20's or 30's says that they wish they could have someone beside them, that they wish they could just find someone to share their life with? We get shot down.
"Oh don't complain!" "Your life is great!" *Insert funny reason why being single is better* "God has a plan for you" "Maybe you have the gift of celibacy" (<-- I hate this one with a burning passion. Gift of celibacy, huh? That's the equivalent of that ugly sweater your aunt gives you at Christmas and calls it a gift when in reality you just want to chuck it into the nearest garbage can and light that sucker on fire.) "Maybe if you would just work on yourself more" "Maybe if you just cut your hair/become smarter/earn more money/sort out your issues/get into shape/etc." "The biblical way is to put yourself out there and not be passive about this" "The biblical way is to be passive and let someone chase you"
Seriously. Seriously? Those people who apparently have the biblical view of dating all figured out are especially annoying. What is it now? As a female am I supposed to be like Ruth and lie at some guy's feet so that he'll marry me? Or do I need someone to chase me and I have to be all passive? If so, where can I find someone who'll chase me?
My point is: Let us be, ok? If we complain once in a while how much it sucks to be single when you're surrounded by couples just say "Yeah, dude (or "yeah girl") that sucks. Maybe I don't quite understand what you're feeling but let me acknowledge right now that it probably sucks ass. BUT you're smart, talented, and beautiful so don't give up hope."
Unless of course this person is a chronic complainer and seeks desperately after relationships and thereby is putting himself or herself in bad situations. Then you have my approval for a figurative slap in the face.*
This whole thing becomes even worse for people who have had relationships in the past but that failed (like mine har har). There is a lot of hopelessness, shame, and disappointment attached. We had someone we thought would always be there for us but it failed. Why? I must be a failure. So why would anyone else take a chance with me?
Be especially patient with those people. *coughorjustmecough* A lot of these individuals have trouble letting go. We'll talk about our exes, make fun of them, and say how bad they were when in reality we're always questioning what we could have done differently. What if I did this? What if I acted more like that? Etc, etc.
To conclude this whole thing: Telling a single person to "just get over it" is like telling a person with a broken leg to "just get over it". No. It needs time. WE need time. Don't be a douchebag. Have some compassion and patience just like we'll have compassion and patience when you tell us all about your marital problems. :)
Ok, so before this post gets any more personal I'm going to stop.
*Don't actually slap anyone in the face. That's just rude.
Thursday 16 May 2013
When Good Intentions Just Aren't Good Enough
This summer was supposed to be full of excitement and good eating habits. Apparently my old-self would have none of it.
I was supposed to be reading breathtaking books, not being able to put them down, walk by the beach when the sun is setting, hang out with people and do things together, go to random events, work full-time, explore more than Surrey's City Center, eat healthy, make amazing dinners, exercise, and spend less time on the internet.
We're halfway through May now and I've done hardly any of those things. I have realized that good intentions just aren't good enough. They won't magically transform into action unless you actively pursue them and go after them like a hungry bear dives into the river for some fish. Uh, weird analogy. Sorry.
I want to truly live this summer. I want to be immersed into God's Word, read exciting books, get together with friends, make new friends, live healthier, take in the world around me as long as I still can, and finally find a steady job that'll allow me to make all these things financially possible. :P
This is the last summer that I have school as a fall-back. Next year I won't have the freedom of going back to my studies. At least not for a long time.
This is the summer I want to fall in love with people again. And no, I don't mean romantically. I want to fall in love with people's souls. I want to see the things that are unique about them and the things that make them tick.
If you're living in the Lower Mainland and want to get together at some point for a coffee or any other kind of beverage, let me know. I'd love to. :)
This has been quite the random post. Thanks for listening.
I was supposed to be reading breathtaking books, not being able to put them down, walk by the beach when the sun is setting, hang out with people and do things together, go to random events, work full-time, explore more than Surrey's City Center, eat healthy, make amazing dinners, exercise, and spend less time on the internet.
We're halfway through May now and I've done hardly any of those things. I have realized that good intentions just aren't good enough. They won't magically transform into action unless you actively pursue them and go after them like a hungry bear dives into the river for some fish. Uh, weird analogy. Sorry.
I want to truly live this summer. I want to be immersed into God's Word, read exciting books, get together with friends, make new friends, live healthier, take in the world around me as long as I still can, and finally find a steady job that'll allow me to make all these things financially possible. :P
This is the last summer that I have school as a fall-back. Next year I won't have the freedom of going back to my studies. At least not for a long time.
This is the summer I want to fall in love with people again. And no, I don't mean romantically. I want to fall in love with people's souls. I want to see the things that are unique about them and the things that make them tick.
If you're living in the Lower Mainland and want to get together at some point for a coffee or any other kind of beverage, let me know. I'd love to. :)
This has been quite the random post. Thanks for listening.
Tuesday 14 May 2013
Why the internet sometimes really bothers me.
We all have something to say. Whether we express this through facebook, twitter, tumblr, or our own personal blog like I'm doing right now.
Having said this, we also want to be heard. Why put it out there if there is no intention on drawing attention? Right?
This brings me to the issue I have with the internet and people on here. We can be quite ignorant. Watch a funny meme get posted and it'll have countless of likes within minutes. Everyone's "hahaha"ing and "lol"ing at how hilarious and/or witty that was. Or, if you're a Christian and post something super spiritual that seems like revolutionary thinking, you'll get responses like "AMEN" or "wow" and "I've never thought about it like that!".
Of course I do these same things. And they're not necessarily bad.
The issue: once someone starts talking about issues related to justice or things that would require people, especially Christians to get off their butts and become aware, there is no response. I have watched this over the years. No one cares. And I find this heart-breaking.
My intention with this isn't to judge or to point fingers because God knows I've played the ignorance card all too well, all too often. But what is it about us that makes us so ignorant of other people's pain and injustice? Does no one really care? Do people think this is one big joke? That their lives don't somehow affect ours? Maybe not right now, and maybe not directly, but we as humanity are all affected by each other's actions, views, and ignorance.
I would propose this: Maybe next time you see something on the internet that could challenge your thinking in a certain area or that you don't seem to be comfortable with, or you don't think you'd care about, read it anyway. Watch it anyway. Think about it anyway.
Heck, this whole world would be better off with a little more awareness and compassion, don't you think?
Having said this, we also want to be heard. Why put it out there if there is no intention on drawing attention? Right?
This brings me to the issue I have with the internet and people on here. We can be quite ignorant. Watch a funny meme get posted and it'll have countless of likes within minutes. Everyone's "hahaha"ing and "lol"ing at how hilarious and/or witty that was. Or, if you're a Christian and post something super spiritual that seems like revolutionary thinking, you'll get responses like "AMEN" or "wow" and "I've never thought about it like that!".
Of course I do these same things. And they're not necessarily bad.
The issue: once someone starts talking about issues related to justice or things that would require people, especially Christians to get off their butts and become aware, there is no response. I have watched this over the years. No one cares. And I find this heart-breaking.
My intention with this isn't to judge or to point fingers because God knows I've played the ignorance card all too well, all too often. But what is it about us that makes us so ignorant of other people's pain and injustice? Does no one really care? Do people think this is one big joke? That their lives don't somehow affect ours? Maybe not right now, and maybe not directly, but we as humanity are all affected by each other's actions, views, and ignorance.
I would propose this: Maybe next time you see something on the internet that could challenge your thinking in a certain area or that you don't seem to be comfortable with, or you don't think you'd care about, read it anyway. Watch it anyway. Think about it anyway.
Heck, this whole world would be better off with a little more awareness and compassion, don't you think?
Sunday 12 May 2013
What lack of light through yonder window breaks? It is Surrey and rain is the norm.
It's finally raining. After a long week of warmth and sunshine, I can finally breathe again. :)
I was born for Vancouver weather... haha
I was born for Vancouver weather... haha
I love this peace and quiet. My roommate is in her room doing school work and I'm staring at my dinner plate I finished long ago whilst listening to the rain trickling down the pipes. The window is slightly cracked and I love it.
Tomorrow I'm working 10 hours. 9-12, 3-7, and 7:30-10:30. I'm thinking that I'll make lunch when I come home at 12. For some reason I've been getting excited about cooking. This never happened before. On the menu for tomorrow:
Baked fish fillets with sauteed spinach and rice. I'm even planning on going to the farmer's market with Melissa (my roommate) this coming Saturday. Fort Langely is beautiful and I wish I could spend every Saturday there.
Tuesday night Natahsha is coming over again and is making breakfast for dinner: pancakes. I love dis girl.
I can't decide whether I like being college-me or adult-me better. Each life has its perks and downfalls.
College-Me:
- don't have to cook
- can't choose what I eat
- get to be with friends all the time
- don't have to work as much
- get educated
- have tons of homework
- have almost no privacy due to dorm rooms
- have to worry about accumulated student loans
Adult-Me
- can choose my meals
- get to grocery shop
- have to spend money on groceries
- have to cook
- don't have homework to worry about
- have the freedom of going to farmer's markets
- have the freedom to drink
- don't get to see friends as much as I would like
Ohhh life. It's never in equilibrium... we can't always have what we want. And I do have to admit that some of the things I want are trivial. And then there are things that I want that could be life-enhancing. Like studying in Ireland. Though this is but a mere dream, it is not one I will give up on easily.
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