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Saturday, 25 May 2013

Why telling a single person to "just get over it" doesn't cut it.

I get it. Relationships aren't the be all, end all in life. God has called us to a much higher purpose, whether that involves a partner or not. Trust me. This concept is easy and simple enough for me to understand.
But this doesn't mean it'll automatically make a single person feel better. Some couples who get married young (I'm talking early twenties) don't necessarily understand why this is such a big deal and I don't blame them. They've found someone to share their life with and are (hopefully) happy as clams.

But most of the single, 20 or 30 somethings understand my frustration when social media is being blown up with relationship announcements, engagement announcements, and finally the wedding pictures. This is the time. The time of people taking the next big step in life and settling down with someone. And before you make the assumption that I'm just a bitter ol' woman, realize that I am genuinely happy and excited for them! Well, most of them. ;)

But you know what happens as soon as someone who is in their 20's or 30's says that they wish they could have someone beside them, that they wish they could just find someone to share their life with? We get shot down.

"Oh don't complain!" "Your life is great!" *Insert funny reason why being single is better* "God has a plan for you" "Maybe you have the gift of celibacy" (<-- I hate this one with a burning passion. Gift of celibacy, huh? That's the equivalent of that ugly sweater your aunt gives you at Christmas and calls it a gift when in reality you just want to chuck it into the nearest garbage can and light that sucker on fire.) "Maybe if you would just work on yourself more" "Maybe if you just cut your hair/become smarter/earn more money/sort out your issues/get into shape/etc." "The biblical way is to put yourself out there and not be passive about this" "The biblical way is to be passive and let someone chase you"

Seriously. Seriously? Those people who apparently have the biblical view of dating all figured out are especially annoying. What is it now? As a female am I supposed to be like Ruth and lie at some guy's feet so that he'll marry me? Or do I need someone to chase me and I have to be all passive? If so, where can I find someone who'll chase me?

My point is: Let us be, ok? If we complain once in a while how much it sucks to be single when you're surrounded by couples just say "Yeah, dude (or "yeah girl") that sucks. Maybe I don't quite understand what you're feeling but let me acknowledge right now that it probably sucks ass. BUT you're smart, talented, and beautiful so don't give up hope."
Unless of course this person is a chronic complainer and seeks desperately after relationships and thereby is putting himself or herself in bad situations. Then you have my approval for a figurative slap in the face.*

This whole thing becomes even worse for people who have had relationships in the past but that failed (like mine har har). There is a lot of hopelessness, shame, and disappointment attached. We had someone we thought would always be there for us but it failed. Why? I must be a failure. So why would anyone else take a chance with me?
Be especially patient with those people. *coughorjustmecough* A lot of these individuals have trouble letting go. We'll talk about our exes, make fun of them, and say how bad they were when in reality we're always questioning what we could have done differently. What if I did this? What if I acted more like that? Etc, etc.

To conclude this whole thing: Telling a single person to "just get over it" is like telling a person with a broken leg to "just get over it". No. It needs time. WE need time. Don't be a douchebag. Have some compassion and patience just like we'll have compassion and patience when you tell us all about your marital problems. :)

Ok, so before this post gets any more personal I'm going to stop.


*Don't actually slap anyone in the face. That's just rude.

2 comments:

  1. Sometimes empathy, which is what you are expecting to receive as the norm, enables your self pity and bitterness. I can say that because I spent all of my twenties in your shoes and now that I am in my thirties, I can only wish that someone told me to get over it. Read The Bait of Satan: Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense.... become free from your bitterness and expectation that people treat you a certain way. Posting a blog like this is your intention to receive a sense of justice. When you read the above book with an open mind, you will understand this is sound wisdom. Act like Christ who didn't get pissed off on the cross at everyone mocking him. I am sorry sister in Christ, you are in the wrong. The truth hurts. Embrace life as it is given to you daily. There is nothing wrong with being single. It is a different road. God is your identity, not culture or the way people treat you. Go see a counselor and get over this. I did and now I live freely without offense and expectations that people treat me a certain way. Relate to others where you can and leave it at that. Don't expect the environment to change to conform around you. Pissing, whining and venting on a website is not going to get you what you are looking for.

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  2. I'm in my mid thirties and I am still single as well. I haven't encountered this particular problem (though, I can see how it would be hurtful.) I'm not so sensitive that I get upset when someone asks me if I am married or if I have a boyfriend. What does drive me crazy though is when people ask me why I am still single. How the heck are you supposed to answer that!?! "Because no one wants me or finds me attractive?" I know that I am beautiful in God's eyes and that I am complete in Him, with or without a man, but sometimes people can just be so insensitive.

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