As much as I dislike Zooey Deschanel, i feel the need to open this post by quoting one of her famous words:
"Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, i feel continually shhh'ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don't let someone steal your tenderness. Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things... Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love."
But this isn't about me or how I feel about Zooey. This is about tenderness and strength and how often we mistakenly live in this world trying to choose between one or the other.
Dan Allender, author of The Wounded Heart - Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse, asks this very important question: "When was the las time you wept for another? If there are no tears in your life, I already know you're not a tender man or a tender woman."
This is so important. If you do not weep, let me ask you this: At what point in your life did you tears disappear? When did they dry up? Sure, maybe you're able to shed a tear for your favorite TV show but when was the last time you wept for others or yourself? If your'e a man, don't even start with the whole "Men just don't cry" bull crap.
Jesus wept. He wept for others. He was a profound example of a tender man. What does tenderness mean? Tenderness means being affectionate, compassionate, and soft. It is not simply a kind of niceness, being polite or considerate. Can you be tender and yet strong? Absolutely! Strength, as opposed to popular opinion, does not mean being stoic, arrogant, merciless, rough or uncaring.
In our culture, tenderness is frowned upon. It is shamed, constantly. We are always told to be strong, to stop crying, to "just get over it". Oh how it bothers me when someone is told to stop crying or told to get over something that obviously deeply affected that person. We need to stop associating tears with shame. You know what I find shameful? Those who refuse to weep on the grounds of social protocol. You want to prove you're a man? Tell me what makes you weep. I am not impressed by anyone who is proud of being able to hold it together all the time. Are you telling me that, as a Christian man or woman, you can look at every broken person in this world, everyone who has been or is being abuse, enslaved, and/or mistreated and it stirs nothing in you? Then you have no tenderness in you. Then you are far from trying to be like Jesus.
Maybe there was a point in your life where you decided that tears aren't worth your time anymore. Maybe this happened as a result of abuse. I dont' know. But if it did, let me ask you this: Are you willing to open up the gates again? Are you willing to let tenderness infiltrate your body, soul, and mind? Are you willing to face what happened to you and mourn for yourself? Only when you're willing to let this happen, can healing begin.
I challenge you to take out some time and really think about what makes your heart break. What makes compassion rise up in you? What makes you wee? And then weep. Let it just pour over you and change you. Only then will we understand how broken humanity is and how desperately it needs a Saviour.
xo
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