Communicating with the Almighty

You'd think that after having been through the counseling program I'd be a display of perfect communication.

TADAA! I'm not. Actually... far from it, to be quite honest. If you know me even a little bit, you know that I am passive aggressive, I get defensive, and since having spent most of my life as a doormat for others, I don't address issues very well. Continually living in the doormat mentally where I get wronged, don't say anything about it, and then hate you for the rest of my life. Just kidding. I don't hate you. Unless you're the kind of person who drives 40kmh in a 50 kmh zone. Then you seriously need to reconsider your priorities in life and GET.OFF.THE.ROAD. But I'll never tell you that. I would much rather stay in my car, swear like a sailor and as soon as a second lane opens up, zip past you and give you the death glare as my foot presses against the pedal. I was built for speed racing ok. But we'll get past this.

Lately I've found it very hard to communicate with God. Most of the time I wouldn't even bother at all. Today I had a great realization (though common sense would suggest that God probably gave me this idea in the first place). Since I love blogging so much, why don't I just write out my prayers? It could be like a blog directed towards God. The entire time though I was thinking: What if this isn't the right way to pray? What if this doesn't count? So my first paragraph (and the only one I'm going to share) was this:

"I find it difficult, talking to you. Like I'm not sure how you're going to respond. Writing is easier for me and it helps. I hope this is ok with you since I'm pretty sure you can read."

Yeah... communication isn't easy for me. Though as I kept writing I could honestly feel my heart emptying out. I told him things I haven't told him in years. I asked him things I haven't asked him in years. And I even made a commitment to write to him everyday. Even if it's mostly blank pages, it still means that I'm sitting down intentionally and listen.

I'm pretty sure God is ok with this. If you have an unusual way of communicating with the almighty, don't worry about it. Just like God is able to work through so many situations and people in life, I'm pretty sure he knows your heart in this as long as you just keep communicating with him.

xo