Ok, you may actually get less than you bargained for. I won't be talking about Bigfoot and other mythological creatures. What I am going to be talking about is our perceived notion of the Christian woman. You know, the Proverbs 31 kind of woman. Or at least the view that's been shoved down our throats for so many years.
Truth is, I don't have my crap together. Shocker. I know. I have foot-in-mouth syndrome. Sometimes my passion for something can be mistaken for me not having my emotions under control. I have vast amounts of student loan debt with no winning lottery ticket or Nigerian prince who needs my bank information in sight. With a failed, long-term relationship and no desire to have children, I'm also no little Miss Innocent. Up until last night this really discouraged me.
It started with toothpaste. Toothpaste for crying out loud. Halfway through brushing my teeth I noticed that a good chunk of toothpaste ended up my nose and my first thought was: Oh great, Jess. Seriously? You can't even handle brushing your teeth like an adult? In my mind this single, small incident reflected back on how my life is going. I'm almost in my mid-twenties. I don't have a permanent house to call my own. I'm single. I don't have a career. I have debt. I have incredibly dysfunctional family situations. Nothing is going according to plan. That's what the little voice inside my head kept telling me.
You wanna know what the plan was when I was 20 years old and just started attending Bible College?
Finish Bible College.
Get married to boyfriend.
Get Master's in Psychology.
Start a career.
Have three children.
Live mediocre-ly ever after.
Truth is: I don't have my crap together. I can't speak for the men but I know that as women we are, so often, pressured into thinking that in order to be a successful woman of God you need to be a wife & a mother who fits into every single Christian cliché. A woman who has the perfect figure, who is a doting mother, who has an impeccable sense of fashion, and greets her husband at the door every day at 5:30pm with dinner ready on the table and the house in order.
Girls, please don't buy into this fairytale because that's exactly what it is: a fairytale.
We are all different and unique for a reason. You want to know why I cringe every time I hear something about "Biblical Womanhood"? Because often what follows is an impossible set of standards, which we die trying to achieve. Listen to me: you don't have to have your crap together. I'll say it again:
You don't have to have your crap together.
You get up every morning, you challenge yourself to grow. You get up every morning, you challenge yourself in your walk with God. Don't ever settle for a sedentary life. Just because you are surrounded by life's challenges doesn't mean you're a failure. Just because you are different from the women around you, doesn't mean that you fail at being God's daughter.
The next time you look at a woman in envy because she seems to have her life perfectly sorted out I want you to remember that this is most likely not the case. We all struggle in different ways. We all have these quirks about us that make us freaking awesome.
I get way too emotionally involved in TV shows.
I'm vocal about social justice, feminism, and respect.
I've been a horrible daughter at times.
I value my friends tremendously.
I pick my nose... sometimes.
I pick my wedgies... sometimes.
It doesn't take much to make me laugh.
It doesn't take much to make me cry.
I like to believe that my vulnerability and my transparency are strengths and not weaknesses.
The older I get, the less I'm willing to settle.
Sometimes I get overconfident and can be seen as arrogant.
I love the gym.
I hate the gym.
I'd die happy if I drowned in caramel.
Caramel. Seriously.
Good food is the reason why I hate the gym.
I have stuffed animals on my bed.
Earlier tonight I had a dance party in my room.
I like to believe I'm super tough. But I'm not. When faced with a choice, I will always choose tenderness.
I want people to listen to me without feeling the need to interrupt. But more often than not, this doesn't happen.
My name's Jess and I don't have my crap together.
And that's ok.
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