Never Changing

In my bed I am safe. The purple blanket I have owned for over five years provides comfort and familiarity. Amidst this life of ever-changing circumstances and situations, it's nice to know that some things remain constant. Never-changing. Trustworthy.
I cannot count the number of times my life has taken a dramatic turn into the opposite direction within a matter of minutes. Most of the time, these have been negative circumstances. Moments of utter defeat. Moments where life seems to just have shattered on the ground before me, leaving parts of me in shambles.

Disappointment. Disconnect. Disillusionment. Distractions. Distance.

You're pushing down on my shoulders
And emptying my lungs
An in a moment I'm older
In a moment, you've won
And you escape me
Like it's nothing
Like words I never should have said
And the stress comes to the surface
But all of the heroes are dead

Too often I find myself gasping for air in this life. I need to feel alive. When you are surrounded by brokenness, it is easy to believe that you are dead inside. Years of depression have taught me that. It is a slow drowning of your mind. You are surrounded by water. Oxygen is becoming scarce.

At some point I remembered that I am not dead yet. I needed air in my lungs. I was tired of life pushing down on them while I did nothing and just watched. When circumstances change, when the water begins to rise, and when disillusionment sets it, I see the constant. Instead of distractions, I receive focus. Instead of distance and disconnect, I get closeness. Instead of guilt, I get God.

He is my never-changing One.