Vulnerability is a tough concept to master. True vulnerability lays it all out while also being confident about the facts we are presenting about ourselves. In order to do this we must develop a thick skin and a soft heart. But how do we do this? It's a cruel trick, because when our hearts start becoming soft, so does our skin. All this leads to is our compassion and kindness coming back to bite us because we cannot differentiate between kindness and being taken advantage of. If we do, however decide to let our skin harden, often times our hearts suffer and become like stone. We become closed off.
All my life I have been told to develop a thick skin. It was for my own protection and safety. I have found this to be an extremely difficult concept, mainly due to the fact that my soft heart will not let my skin harden. I often become defensive and let others take advantage of myself. This creates a victim mentality, which creates bitterness and in turn hardens my heart. And so it seems like the only time my skin actually begins to harden, it does so at the expense of my heart.
How do we find the balance of possessing thick skin and a soft heart? Unfortunately I have not found this yet. I tend to drift towards softening every aspect of my existence, which means that I feel easily attacked.
Vulnerability does not equal weakness. Vulnerability speaks of a strength that few of us bother exploring because it is painful. Vulnerability says "Take my heart and explore. I trust that you will not damage it. But even if you do, I will be okay."
I will never stop asking God to show me the concept of true vulnerability, because it gives me life.
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