But I wouldn't just hide in games. I would hide so many things in my life from others, covering it up however well I could. Truths about me and how I really felt about things never got exposed. I went through most of my childhood feeling misunderstood, neglected, and abandoned due to the fact that no one actually knew what I was thinking and feeling. Something in me changed though and as I began to grow into the person I am today, I fell in love with opening up. I grew tired of putting on a mask and not showing people what was really inside me. Part of me had always been afraid of showing people the real 'Jess' because I thought they would leave me once they knew. I thought no one wanted to know what I really think, believe, and feel.
As post-high school time went on and I was transitioning into the adulthood/college period people seemed to latch onto me. To this day I do not believe that I have amazing things to offer to people. I lack both the resources and skills that would make me a "useful" friend. What I do have to offer, however is authenticity.
I was talking to a friend today and we were discussing the importance of authenticity in our lives, especially for those who claim to be a part of the body of Christ. I'm sure that many books and articles have been written about this subject but I wanted to approach this from where I am coming from.
Many of you are hiding. You don't let the world see the real you. Some of you even hide a lot from those closest to you. It saddens me when people think they have to hide behind an array of masks, pride, jokes, apparent competence, and a belief that they have to have it together at all times. Maybe you feel as though people won't respect or like you as much if you just started opening up and leave that fake smile behind. And perhaps that might be true in some cases. The thing is though that I (and most others) respect a person so much more when they are being vulnerable with me. I'm not talking about people who do not understand the concept of boundaries or persistent complainers but those who are truly authentic and vulnerable with me. I have friends who I have never seen cry and that is perfectly okay. I would never expect anyone to burst out in tears in front of me in order to show their vulnerability. I do know people though that had put up a front for the longest time until they finally broke and I saw them shed tears. You know what I thought of in that moment? I didn't think they were weak or incompetent. My respect for them increased by so much. I cannot stand the fact that tears have been deemed an exclusively feminine trait by our culture. Men are not given the emotional right to appear vulnerable for fear of feeling too exposed and weak.
In reality, authenticity and vulnerability is the very thing that connects us all. How are you going to relate to others in their suffering when you can't admit that you're suffering as well? Suffering is something that every single human being that has ever lived and that will ever live goes through. We all experience it. Why do we often pretend like we don't? What do we gain by telling people that everything is great when, in reality, everything inside of us wants to break down?
I think it would be a great testimony as Christians if we were to turn the tables on the issue of suffering and vulnerability. Think of how many people you could potentially help if you were to actually talk about what is really going on in your head. When was the last time you asked someone if you could talk to them about what you are going through? When was the last time you genuinely asked someone personal if they could pray with you over a situation? When was the last time you actually opened up to someone?
Don't think that you can make it on your own. If you believe that you can fly through this life emotionally solo, you are in for a very rude awakening. We have been given a community of believers, the church, for a reason. Yes, we are all imperfect and flawed but that's kind of the point, isn't it? We all have things we want to hide from others. We all think that people won't love and respect us as much if we were to truly open up to them, but the reality is that that is a lie. Most will give you even more love and respect if they could only see you sharing in their suffering.
"We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasure, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world... No doubt pain as God's megaphone is a terrible instrument; it may lead to final and unrepented rebellion. But it gives the only opportunity the bad man can have for amendment. It removes the veil; it plants the flag for truth within the fortress of the rebel soul."
C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
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