7 Ways Not To Be A Bitter Single Woman In Her 20's

We've all been there before. And by "all" I mean single women in their 20's. You know exactly those nights I'm talking about, right?

The nights we succumb to every ice cream flavour ever made.
The nights where Ed Sheeran's voice seems to cure our aching souls.
The nights we seem to remember every male who's ever hurt us and/or neglected us.
The nights we feel enraged and sad at the same time because our love hasn't ridden out of the shadows yet.
The nights where we wish we could slay the Witch King and proudly proclaim: "I AM NO MAN".

I'd be lying if I said I had never done these things before. All too often I would find comfort in my bed and Tumblr which provided me with hipster poetry and meaningless love notes that seemed to possess so much meaning at the time but whose depth faded with each passing minute.

Having said that, I know all too well what this longing feels like and therefore thought about how I could counter this. Below you will find ways you can work with your singleness and learn not to rely on your relationship status.

1. Grow closer to Christ. This may seem like an obvious one but it just needs to be stated. We often forget that He is our first love. No man on this earth can ever nor will ever fulfill you in the way God does.
       
a) This brings me to my first sub-point. In order to grow closer to Christ we need to: READ OUR BIBLES. Did I just blow your mind? I hope not. Because this one should be just as obvious. And yet: I don't think we realize the full impact reading our Bibles has.

b) Prayer. Imagine you do finally get into a relationship with someone. How will you keep it alive? How will you grow in love? What are you going to do when you're together? You talk. You communicate. Same with God. You communicate. Ever heard that communication is the most important thing in a relationship? It's overstated for a reason. People don't realize what this means. Be honest. Be in constant communication. Be open. Talk to God. He actually delights in it. And always be ready to listen to what He has to say. The more you listen, the more you'll hear him speak. The more you listen, the clearer his voice will become. I can't stress enough how important your prayer life is.

2. Make sure you have solid, female friends. I am incredibly blessed to have a group of girls in my life that keep me in check at all times. They encourage, listen, provide a critical eye, are always honest, and most importantly: value their own relationship with God. If you're in a position where you have no strong, female friends in your life: get involved in your church, your work, your whatever it is where you could possibly connect with some awesome gals. I know some girls who think it's cool that they only hang out with guys because "girls are full of drama". Oh boo-hoo. No one ever said friendships were easy. We cannot build our entire friendship circle on the opposite sex. This just isn't going to work out in the long run. So if you're one of those girls: suck it up and get some girl friends.

3. Know. Your. Worth.
You're not single because of that pimple on your forehead. You're not single because you can't fit into a size 4 jeans. (Boy, do I have to keep telling myself this.) Contrary to popular belief, you're not single because of your appearance. No matter how much your mother or your ex tells you that your level of attractiveness determines whether or not you get a boyfriend: Don't listen to them. They're wrong. Should you be well kept and groomed? Of course. Make sure you, you know, shower, brush your teeth, make sure your hair isn't flying in all directions, and wear clothes that actually fit you. Other than that: Don't feel like you absolutely have to be thin, wear expensive clothes, and wear make-up at all times in order to attract someone from the male species. Make sure to smile!

4. Find something you're passionate about. What ignites you? What gets you fired up? Why do you get up in the morning? Do you want to dedicate yourself to social justice? Fight against poverty, slavery, injustice, etc? Do you love making music and/or art? Do you love to write? Maybe photography? Or something in nature? Try out different things. Just because you're initially not good at something, doesn't mean it can't develop into a passion of yours. Without passion, our lives will be dull and grey. Find something that is worth getting into. And then get into it! Give it your everything! Make it a challenge.

5. Serve others. This one's actually so important. Throwing yourself a pity party and sulking about how lonely you are is a selfish act so in order to counter this, we must be selfless. I realize that we live in a pretty busy world but whether you're swamped with work, school or even both (as I am): try to find just a couple hours a week to serve others. It doesn't have to be big. It can be anything from volunteering with an organization to helping out your friends when they need something. Realize that the world doesn't revolve around you. Realize that we are commanded to love one another and that in this instance, love isn't just a noun but also a verb. Go out and look for opportunities to help.

6. Get counseling. It's not just for the weak. It's actually the strong individuals who realize that counseling is an amazing tool to grow in life and move forward. Are there things in your past you can't seem to let go? Has there been pain, abuse, and distrust? Seek therapy and work through these issues. You do not want these things to come up when you're in a relationship. This kind of baggage will set you up for failure in a future relationship.

7. Men are not the enemy. Can they be oblivious to our infatuation with them? Sure. Can they be clueless sometimes? Sure. But don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. I know I've part-taken in my fair share of men-bashing rants when I was particularly angry with the world, but that was a mistake. Men are just the other side of the coin of a fallen, human race. As women we can be just as idiotic sometimes so just stop with the male-hate because it's giving feminism a bad name. As a self-proclaimed feminist, I take this one personally. Though it doesn't mean that I don't have tons of work to do in this area myself.

All this to say that being in a relationship isn't the be all, end all in life. They take hard work and you're better off dealing with your issues now, while you're young. Your problems will not magically disappear when you acquire a boyfriend and life will not be entirely rosy. You may forget about most of the world for the first several weeks but then reality kicks you back into motion.

If you're a single woman in her 20's: take heart and get up. Get going. Life moves on. Better keep up. :)

xo