Last night I did some much-needed reflecting of my heart. It started with a conversation I had about responsibilities and assigned tasks. Let me preface this with the fact that I'm a very proud person. I don't always show it on the outside but what I want is to be better than everyone else. You wouldn't think that pride and self-esteem issues go hand in hand, but they do. And in my case: they're going steady.
I'd make a terrible leader. Admitting this in a college whose mission is to "Train leaders to make a world of difference."is kind of terrifying, not gonna lie. But it's the truth. For the past several years I thought I deserved better. A better job. A better wage. Better responsibilities. Something that will put me in the spotlight. I know, I know. My humility factor is through the roof. Take a slice of that! Or... don't actually.
After the aforementioned conversation of last night I had to do some serious thinking about this matter. Why is it that I want all these glorious jobs and why haven't I gotten them? I look at others who are involved in my school, even those who are fairly new, and they seem to have these "cool" responsibilities for which they're acknowledged and praised. They get to work for the school, they get to do promotional stuff, they get to be really socially involved and me? I am, once again, heading off to my job as a "mere" babysitter. That's when the Parable of the Talents popped into my mind. Those guys who were given great responsibilities worked well with them. They didn't complain about having too much or too little. But that guy who was only given one talent? What did he do? He buried it. HE FREAKING BURIED IT. Sorry about that random outburst but this is actually where it hit me. So what if I've only been given one talent? I better work with that talent instead of burying it or complaining about the fact that I've only been given one talent.
Clearly God knew what he was doing when he gave me that "one talent". How can we expect these glorious responsibilities when we're not willing to live with no recognition? How can *I* expect God to make me a leader when I'm not willing to shed my pride and follow?
It's time to lose the jealousy and be faithful to the situations and the responsibilities we've been given at this exact moment. Whether God lets you on the big screen or has you working behind the scenes, be faithful in all.
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