In Which I Reflect On Recent Events

A smile.

It means so much to me. There have been plenty of times where I could've killed myself laughing over something while simultaneously dying inside. But tonight I found a genuine smile on my face; one that has been achieved through much hard work.

I've been going to counseling for 5 weeks now and it's been helping tremendously. Bitterness, lack of motivation, triggers, heartache, guilt, pain, irritableness, and exhaustion are only a few things we've tackled so far and I'd say we've tackled them fairly well.
I'm letting go of the ever-familiar bitterness when faced with someone else's relationship.
I'm acquiring motivation to complete my work earlier.
I've been dealing with my triggers of abuse and have been managing them well.
I'm accepting myself and try not to boil my worth down to being in a relationship with someone.
I no longer place irrational guilt on myself but rather embrace the amount of compassion I have for others on myself.
I'm seeing my pain and rather than victimizing myself, God is giving me eyes to see the ways those pains have shaped my life.
I'm working on not becoming so easily irritated by noise levels.
I'm managing my time better so as to avoid complete exhaustion.

Like a river, or a creek: I'm not stagnant. I'm running and changing. By God's grace, my life is being shaped to strive for betterment.

I refuse to accept the lie that being stagnant is ok. It isn't. There are always lessons to be learned. There are always ways to improve in. Our culture tells us that change is bad. That change won't be positive and that we need to accept the state we're in right now.

Listen! We don't have to!
We can be content with who we are in Christ while at the same time, strive to be more like him.

Never did I think that I would be capable os so much change but 2013 is truly proving itself to be a year of complete turn-arounds. 180 degrees. No looking back.
Tackle one thing at a time. Imagine yourself a week from now; a month from now; six months from now; a year from now. Would you be happy with yourself if you started to change now? If yes, then why not do it? Your future self will thank you.

Being stagnant, stationary, and stale is no way to spend our years on this earth. Stagnancy is literally defined as a body of water that has no current or flow and, as a result, acquires an unpleasant smell. Don't be a smelly person.

Be a river. Fresh, flowing, and forceful. And most importantly: Always forward.

xo