Saturday 27 April 2013

Insert Clever Title

Once again I find myself in some sort of life limbo. Summer officially started. Still looking for full-time work until September and I generally don't know what to do with myself. I swore to myself that this summer wouldn't be filled with endless Tumblr scrolling and clips of The King of Queens. After I had this thought I continued to scroll through Tumblr mindlessly and cackle over the cheesy humour in TKoQ.

If there was an award for Miss Best Intention I'd win any day. I truly do have the best intentions, the greatest ideas, and the most wonderful dreams about the future. When it comes to implementing them however, I get stuck. Stuck in that good ol' comfort zone. Would I love to move to Ireland next year and find a full-time job there? Absolutely! Would I also be absolutely terrified of leaving friends behind? Yep. There you have it. Being stuck in a comfort zone and separation anxiety do not mix well. I get too attached to people and places (provided they are nice to me).

I'm finding it harder and harder to hear from God the older I get/the more I am exposed to technology so I have decided to move to Pennsylvania and churn butter. Can't you just envision me in a nice, traditional Amish dress, tending to the fields, while some guy in the background plays my favorite hymns on the organ? No? Uh, yeah. Me neither.
The thing is, though, I find myself having to be stimulated every hour that I'm awake. It can't be quiet. I either have to have music, a movie, or a show playing in the background while I'm doing something else. And sometimes I'm not even doing something else. After some time it becomes harder to pull yourself away from this constant stimulation, become quiet, and spend time with God, exclusively.

Right now I'm actually quite proud of myself. Since starting this post, it's been completely quiet (other than the kid who's banging against his bedroom door and won't go to sleep). It's weird. I'm already feeling like I'm moving closer to God just by doing this. I guess I am now confronted with my genuine thoughts. The thing is, it scares me. I'm already having enough trouble as it is facing my mental state. I don't need more illumination. Or do I?

Awareness is the key and ignorance and denial won't get you anywhere. You can try really hard to run away from yourself but you can't run away from your own feet. (Sorry. I really had to throw in a Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs reference). My point is: I have so much more to learn and I dislike this very much. But I'll go on anyway. We'll see. Maybe I'll finally somewhat break out of my comfort zone this summer and do something I've never done before. Something crazy. Something so unreal that it'll blow everyone's minds!

Please stand by while Miss Huber is thinking of something that fits the above description.
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This may take a while.

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