How this week has been a blessing.

Right now, it's peaceful. I skipped breakfast and am instead, sitting on my bed, room dark, listening to the rain coming down. I heard something about a storm hitting Vancouver and ironically it's been a while since I've felt so at peace. Other than the signs of the weather, it's quiet. Absolutely quiet. You see, this isn't normal for me. I'm the background noise girl. The girl who always has to have something playing in the background and even, believe it or not, used to put on shows whenever she would shower (provided that particular bathroom structure allowed it).

I'm trying to find a way to describe what this week has been like for me. A fresh start perhaps? New beginnings? It's not like my entire life has been changed around this particular week but then again... it sort of has. I'm becoming excited for life again.

Depression hit me hard this summer. I was in a rut. Every day felt like a struggle to get out of bed, I stopped going to church, and neglected a lot of my responsibilities. I didn't feel like an adult this summer. I felt like a whiney 5 year-old. A 5 year-old that's been hurting and was crumbling under the pressure to be happy. I lacked routine. I lacked accountability. I never lacked friends but I did lack genuine joy.

It's hard to describe what depression really feels like. Some days you feel absolutely nothing. It's a void in your heart, your emotions seem to have disappeared, threatening to never return and leaving you stone cold for the rest of your life. Other days you are hit hard with anger, disappointment, and hurt. Even as I'm writing this, I remember those feelings; those emotions. I remember them weighing heavily on my heart. I remember how they closed in on my throat, leaving me breathless, choking back tears continuously.

It's easy to give in. It's easy to give up. Self-harm was never an option for me in life, but this summer was different.

I knew that one way for me to cope with this in a healthy way was routine. No more sleeping until noon. No more going to bed at 3 or 4AM. School has very much been a godsend.
How does that saying go again? The devil loves an idle mind. That has been very true in my life. It gives me motivation to keep busy.

And boy am I busy now! Well, not like President Dennis Hixson busy. That man is Superman, I'm convinced. But busy nevertheless.
Apart from the usual things like class, work, and church I get to add to my weekly list:

Mentoring with Renee Hixson (super awesome lady who I'm convinced is Wonder Woman if Dennis Hixson is Superman).

Counseling once a week. This is something I've been needing for a while. I've dealt with a lot of issues in my life, but never professionally so I'm really looking forward to the healing resulting from this.

Village Church Community Group led by Jessica Teng. The Tengs are a family I really admire and Terry and Lori have just been such an encouragement in my life!

A new Church Plant with fellow PLBC'ers focusing on the Newton area in Surrey. I'm super stoked to be a part of this and to be reaching out into our community!

Last but not least: Supernatural. Yeah, yeah, save your scoffing. It really is on the list of things I look forward to on a weekly basis. :P

I guess, all this to say that I've been extremely blessed. I have numerous support systems, people that genuinely care about me, and accountability. But most importantly:

I have God.